Change Pain To Gain:
The Secrets of Turning Conflict into Opportunity

Transform Your Life by Transforming Conflict

  • Tired of squabbles, arguments and disagreements derailing your meetings?
  • Are misunderstandings and poor communication straining your relationships?
  • Do you wish your time would be better spent collaborating rather than arguing?

Transform how your organization deals with interpersonal tension and stress with this easy to read, direct, and clear, 8 chapter guide!

My tried-and-true conflict resolution processes will help you transform your organization’s dreaded conflict into welcomed opportunities for better communication in your meetings, improved interpersonal relationships, and increased collaboration among team members.

Sound appealing?

Over the past 20 years of conflict resolution training, speaking, and coaching, I’ve developed simple techniques that have helped thousands take back control of their disputes. Now, for the first time ever, I’ve compiled all of these strategies together in one easy-to-read form.

Learn about how conflict can be the beginning of creative problem solving. Grounded on scholarship and expertise, the tips and the steps in this book are presented to you in an accessible, practical, and usable way.

You’ll come to realize, as I did, how the most insight and understanding can result from differences in perspective… and this book will show you how to get there, with lots of examples and approaches.

Interested in learning more? Check out an excerpt from the first chapter to taste the potential success of your team’s new approach.

Conflict Styles

Before continuing to read here, please take the Conflict Management Styles assessment in Appendix G.  Then come back and click on “discover” below to learn what your numbers mean.

There are five columns on the scoring sheet. The conflict style associated with each column, reading from left to right, are: avoid, compete, accommodate, collaborate, and compromise. Which one is your preferred style? There are specific situations when your preferred style is more appropriate. Your awareness of other styles will make it possible for you to resolve conflicts using a variety of methods. 

Will you share one way you have successfully used one of the “secrets” in your personal or professional life?


“A terrific book! ‘Change Pain to Gain: The Secrets of Turning Conflict into Opportunity’ helps the reader better understand the stumbling blocks that all of us experience when working with others. Her book allows you to appreciate the dynamics that lie within and underneath conflicts. With many examples from her own personal and professional life, McGinnis guides the reader to see that the conflicts all of us experience can be harnessed in a positive and creative manner to create opportunities for greater understanding and growth.”

– Br. Bob Roddy, Director,  Franciscan Retreats and Spirituality Center

As an attorney who has practiced family law for over 25 years and a family mediator for over 20 years, I have witnessed the pain experienced by families caused by unresolved conflict. Patricia McGinnis’ book, ‘Change Pain to Gain,’ offers divorcing couples creative, realistic, and proven approaches to help evaluate their individual roles in conflict.  It gives them the tools to take a step back and consider more productive alternative thinking and behavior. I highly recommend this book for all families facing divorce or post-divorce conflict and to those who work with these families.

– Colleen A. Harris-Pearson, J.D.

Perhaps the greatest secret in human conflict is the realization that inside all the misery and pain we cause each other lies caring and compassion, growth and learning, expanded self-awareness and communication skills, and the possibility of reaching higher order solutions. Patricia McGinnis shows how each of us can turn our conflicts from destructive to creative experiences, with practical examples and exercises that can be used by everyone.”

Kenneth Cloke, Author of The Dance of Opposites: Explorations in Mediation, Dialogue and Conflict Resolution System and director of the Center for Dispute Resolution in Santa Monica, CA

“Provides insights in how to channel conflicts between employees to have more effective meetings and a more productive workforce.”

– Mary Deziel, United Bankers Bank, Vice President, Human Resources

“In Patricia McGinnis’ highly readable volume, many individual and critical steps are described and developed for accomplishing conflict resolution; including the author’s own personal and numerous professional conflict resolution experiences as a mediator.

It is the tightly organized and clearly described steps for (and positive effects of) following the critical steps, which make this book an immensely valuable tool – for a couple, a family, a work group, a church, or a corporation. Patricia McGinnis offers sensible, understandable, and completely workable strategies for approaching conflict with not just ‘resolution’ in mind, but with creative, positive opportunities in mind, as well. In dealing professionally with conflict resolution issues of others and myself at times, I highly recommend this valuable tool. It should be on everyone’s bookshelf: both at home and in the office. 

  — Deacon Richard Roy, St. Michael Church

“This is not the only book that has been written about conflict management. What sets ‘Change Pain to Gain’ apart from others, however, is the specificity of examples and suggestions. Rather than stopping at a theoretical understanding of conflict principles, the author explores the kind of language and questions that will lead to shared understanding, making the book a more useful tool.

Equally as impressive is the section on conflict masqueraders. In my experience working with organizations, these are the biggest obstacles to understanding, and uncovering those masks can go a long way to nipping problems in the bud before they become unwieldy conflicts.”  

– Jeff Hudson, Director, Continuing Education and Customized Training at Normandale Community College, Bloomington, MN

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